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The Second Family: Dealing with Peer Power, Pop Culture, the Wall of Silence -- and Other Challenges of Raising Today's Teens

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Authors: Ron Taffel, Melinda Blau
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
Category: Book

List Price: ~~$12.95~~
Buy Used: $0.92
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New (31) Used (23) from $0.92

Media: Paperback
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 224
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.6
Dimensions (in): 9.1 x 6.1 x 0.5

ISBN: 0312284934
Dewey Decimal Number: 303
EAN: 9780312284930
ASIN: 0312284934

Publication Date: February 11, 2002
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Shipping: International shipping available
Condition: BookCloseouts scratch dent version. New book that may have some cosmetic damage (i.e. shelf-wear, torn or missing dust jacket, dented corner...). Otherwise excellent specimen - guaranteed!

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Editorial Reviews:

Product Description
divIf you have a teen or pre-teen, you recognize the phenomenon already-perhaps without even knowing it has a name. "The second family," as uncompromisingly described by renowned therapist Dr. Ron Taffel is the immense collective power of the peer group and pop culture-a force so pervasive, it threatens to, and often succeeds in, overwhelming the first family of adults at home and in school. Derived from thousands of interviews with kids and adults, The Second Family uses real-life, sometimes graphic examples to bare the truth about the world of adolescence today and to illuminate the new set of rules by which kids operate. brbrThe second family can be scary to adults. While many parents bury their heads, insisting "not my child," Taffel reveals that even "good" children:br- Chronically lie without a trace of guilt br- Have sex at astonishingly early agesbr- Do drugs and alcohol not to be bad but simply because they are therebrbrYet there are healthy aspects to the second family that often go unrecognized:br- A secret moral code of peer support that will surprise youbr- Boys and girls as best friendsbr- Boys taking care of friends in emotional needbr- Girls becoming powerful group leadersbr- A social structure for teens that provides a type of intimacy, support, communication and honesty he or she can't find anywhere else. brbrIt is impossible to understand today's teens or preteens without understanding the Second Family. Taffel opens a window into a closed world of frightening dangers and equally uplifting possibilities.br/div

Customer Reviews: Read 1 more reviews...

5 out of 5 stars

Important and timely book for parents of teens August 26, 2005
5 out of 6 found this review helpful

I am a psychologist that works with teens and their families. This is an important book for therapists and families alike. Dr. Taffel explains the "second family" world of the teen. Both the negative as well as the positive aspects of this world. Dr.Taffel gives practical suggestions on how to work with the second family in order to maintain some healthy connection between the teen and the "first family".

5 out of 5 stars

Author of Survival Meditations for Parents of Teens February 11, 2005
1 out of 2 found this review helpful

Another sure winner from Dr. Taffel who always seems to hit the mark.I recommend this to many of the families with teens who I seen in counseling as it offers a real-life look into their world. Absolutely one of the best in his field.

5 out of 5 stars

Excellent resource for individuals working with adolescents December 6, 2001
4 out of 5 found this review helpful

Dr. Taffel and Melinda Blau offer realistic scenarios and situations today's teens are encountering. Counselors, parents, educators, and any others associating with youth will be enlightened (and perhaps concerned) by what the authors so candidly offer. It can be a tough world for our young people -- here are some ideas as to how to reach your teen and perhaps make a start at understanding their world. This book is a must-read for people who work with pre-teens and adolescents.

5 out of 5 stars

Peers for Positive Encouragement and Parents for Direction September 4, 2001
13 out of 13 found this review helpful

Before reviewing this book, you should know that it includes extremely foul language, very explicit descriptions of sex acts, and other material that exceed what you would find in an R rated movie. Dr. Taffel acknowledges this, but feels like it is important to conveying his message. I agree. pMany aspects of this book could be describing when I was a teenager back in the 1960s. Dr. Taffel has a good ear for understanding how teens interact with one another. pPart of the growing up process is to begin to identify more with your friends than with your family, particularly if you are having a lot of conflict with your family. Along with the friends comes the popular teen culture of what is cool. Although the specifics of "cool" will constantly change, it is a way to feel like you fit in. That point connects to Dr. Taffel's more profound point. Teenagers are looking for comfort. This is both physical and emotional comfort. pMany parents fear the teen culture, assuming that behind each pierced body part can be found the core of a drug dealer, a temper, and miscreant. In fact, your teen's friends are probably a lot like your teen in attitude and focus. They may dress and act differently, but they have enough common ground to be comfortable with each other. More importantly, teens place a high reliance on being there for each other, being trustworthy, and keeping their word. In the family, a sense of being wronged can get in the way of behaving in that manner.pThe problem today is that busy parents and teens spend little time talking about their reactions to what's happening to and around them. On the other hand, teens talk about it endlessly. The teen influence is going to win, unless the parents recast their attention and focus. pThe best part of the book can be found in a series of practical suggestions for helping your teen earn your trust, how to work with your spouse and the school to support your teen, and how to be an effective part of your teen's life by showing genuine interest in your teen and her or his activities and concerns. pMy main complaint about the book is that the title is very misleading. Most people will think the book is about step families. The subtitle is also misleading. It suggests that teens are directly concerned with challenging their families. Actually, the families, teens, and school can all work together in very harmonious ways. They often do, even when not coordinating with one another. Two good related books that will help you understand this one are Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy! and The Truth Will Set You Free. pAfter you finish this book, try to remember how your parents misunderstood the influence that your friends had on you. Where might you be making the same mistake now?pEncourage others to learn from experience, without taking on more risk than they can handle!p

5 out of 5 stars

Truly Unique and Very Important April 20, 2001
6 out of 6 found this review helpful

Taffel seems to have put much of what I have been feeling intuitively about our current culture and our kids into words...and I am truly grateful. This book, along with Daniel Goleman's book on Social Emotional Intelligence and Jane Healy's books, Endangered Minds and Failure to Connect, makes our jobs as parents and teachers in a technological world a bit clearer.pThe Second Family gave me spine as a parent and has opened avenues for working with schools and other parents to offset so much of what is troubling about some of the second families our kids are curious about or are already involved in.

Copyright 2007 White Hat Communications.
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