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The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate

The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or DesperateAuthor: Harriet Lerner
Publisher: Harper Paperbacks
Category: Book

List Price: $13.99
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Media: Paperback
Pages: 272
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.4
Dimensions (in): 8 x 5.3 x 0.7

ISBN: 006095616X
Dewey Decimal Number: 153.6
EAN: 9780060956165
ASIN: 006095616X

Publication Date: August 1, 2002
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days

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  • ISBN13: 9780060956165
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Editorial Reviews:

Product Description

In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:

  • We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable.
  • We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate.
  • We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior.
  • We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation.
  • We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line."
  • We are convinced that we've tried everything -- and nothing changes.

Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.

Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.




Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 28



5 out of 5 stars realy helpful!   August 29, 2009
Tatiana R. Hernandez (CO USA)
this book has helped me a lot to understand vary basic issues in different types of relationships. Issues so basic that you can hardly can see and yet they are so important. It's made a difference on my key relationships...


5 out of 5 stars Dance of Connection   July 15, 2009
D. Boelen (Central Illinois, USA)
Very insightful. Dr. Lerner offers many examples of human interaction that touch a core. Highly recommended for those who wish to improve any relationship


2 out of 5 stars Not enough techniques given, too much storytelling   January 12, 2009
Elizabeth Armenta (Dallas, TX)
3 out of 3 found this review helpful

I was disappointed in this book. I expected to get specific cognitive behavioral techniques to change the way I react/talk when I am upset. Instead I got a bunch of stories about patients, and a bunch of stories about the author and her husband (which especially got old and are not helpful for those of us who are lonely and don't have that kind of love in our lives). Overall I didn't get too much from this book, I'm sad to say. I think I need more direct instruction rather than stories to try to illustrate things. It just wasn't for me.


5 out of 5 stars Informative Handbook on Communication   November 22, 2008
Mary Jane Hurley Brant (Bryn Mawr, PA)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful

Dr. Harriet Lerner's book, the Dance of Connection, refocused me on the importance of good communication. As a certified group psychotherapist and psychotherapist I think this well thought out book offers interesting examples and engaging stories to illustrate how we as people can relate more effectively when communicating with others whether family, friend or business connection. I found Dr. Lerner's words personally validating when checking on my own communication skills where I have done a good job and where to let it alone when I am trying too hard.

I recommend this wonderful book to my clients as well as Dr. Lerner's other well written books that I have read: The Dance of Intimacy, The Dance of Anger and The Dance of Deception.

Mary Jane Hurley Brant, Author of When Every Day Matters



5 out of 5 stars The Dance of Connection   October 1, 2008
Flowbeliever (Seattle)
This author, Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., was recommended to me by a friend. She thought it might help me in my sturggle to resolve a marital issue I have been having. This book did, indeed, offer valuable insights into how families interact and interconnect, from ancestral beginnings that influence us up through the generations. It helped me realize that many of my patterns of interacting with the men in my life could be traced back to my father, his father, and possibly further (if that information could be found). Unfortunately, my father passed away at age 81, two years ago this month. After reading this book I had a long conversation with my mother (now 81 and very healthy and active) about how she and her father and mother interacted as she was growing up. Though my issues turned out to be connected much more closely to my father's side of the family, it was wonderful to hear stories about my mother's life. If I had planned ahead, I definitely would have had a tape recorder ready because we will probably never be able to duplicate what was shared, that day, in the sunshine, in my lovely backyard garden, with both of us just pleasantly swinging on my swing! I HIGHLY recommend this book...even if you're not struggling with interpersonal issues (but who in the world doesn't from time to time?!). Another heavily underlined resource!!!

Showing reviews 1-5 of 28


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